darthfandomcom-20200214-history
New Mandalorian
The New Mandalorians, also known as the Pussyfist Madndalorians, were a disgrace to the face of the Galaxy. Founded Seven hundred and thirty days before the start of the Galactic Empire, they were an unusual group of Mandalorians that actually hated fighting, and felt that the only logical way for the Mandalorian culture to move on was to preach peace and understanding. Of course, this was mainly because Mandalore the Pussyfist, a very feminine man, fell in love with a hippie. Why don't you people fucking get it? Jedi and Mandalorians don't fucking mix. Its like sticking a fascist in the same room as a communist and thinking they'll talk about their feelings. No, dipshit, they're gonna try and kill each other. Eventually, the pussyfists were destroyed by the real Mandalorians and were soon forgotten by fanboys, fangirl's, fandalorians, and Karen Traviss alike Sigh. Lets just move on, shall we? How the hell did this happen? Let me try to explain this madness. So we're going back to the days after the Mandalorian Wars. here. You remember, the Jedi Civil Wars, Revan, and Canderous Ordo kicking major ass? Yeah, no. Seems the future Mandalore and everyone in that day was the exception. Apparently, they had built a new system of... dare I say it? Pacifism. Mandalore the Pussyfist was smoking weed with a Hippie one day when they had a conversation comparing each others jobs. The Jedi just happened to blow his mind, so he did to things. He recreated his Mandalorian followers into a peaceful, boring people. And he had dirty sex with his Jedi friend. Not necessarily in that order. They were even represented in the Senate! How could a culture dive from being the most destructive force in the Galaxy to a band of Pussies? There armor was built out of Recyclable materials, Weapons were banned, and the death penalty was non-existent! It was all the fault of Mandalore the Pussyfist. This Mandalore was, of course, a woman. Mandalorian warrior culture used to be that both genders were equal, as long as they could fight. Now, the Mandalorians of today hate Women in lead roles. But this hippy shit would not go unpunished forever. The waves of change were coming, and the smelled of pollution and gunpowder... Civil War after Civil War... A civil war soon broke out between the True Mandalorians and the Death Watch. The True Mandalorians asked for the help of the pussyfist Mandalorians, but was turned down, considering its illegal in their cities to have anything more dangerous than a plastic fork. And because of them, the True Mandalorians all but died out, and Mandalore was left to these yellow bellies. It wouldn't be until the clone wars that the Death Watch would stop drinking and start killing. The Death Watch fell upon them one day. The people begged the Republic to help. The Republic, in turn, did promise them help... in two to five years. But lo, there was hope. And his name was Spar. Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod? He was a Clone Trooper. An Arc Trooper, to be exact, named Alpha-Ø2. He ran away from the army to join the intergalactic circus. It was there he would discover that he had a knack for telling people how to live there lives better than they were before they met him. He'd later discover his inner Mando, and move to his true DNA's home planet. And what he found mad him sick. Cities full of smiling faces. Buildings with "No Smoking" signs. Back yard gardens. Not an armored man in sight. He went down to the surface, just to see if his eyes were deceiving him. Then, Pussyfist security tried to arrest him, oddly enough, with kitchen knives (It seems the police get the heavy duty stuff). He shot each one of them in the face. Then he looked up at the sky, and saw the Death Watch falling upon the city. He sat on a bench for a couple hours, watching people being horded, raped, and slaughtered. Then he stood up and yelled to them to pick up their arms, embrace their Mandalorian blood, and kill the invaders. And so they did. Then they stormed the Government building and killed their leading representatives. Still not satisfied, the Destroyed the Death Watch planetary base just to even things out. They dropped bombs on their city. Finally, order was restored. The Mandalorian pussyfists had died out, and the world would be better for it. After all, a wise man once said... }} Category:Mandalorians Category:Mando crap Category:Losers Category:Cartoons Category:Galaxies-class canon clusterfucks Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever Category:Hippies Category:Cowards Category:Softies